The Road Goes On and On...

I lashed out at Ethan twice, two days in a row, in public, under the watchful eyes of the Scottish adults, who no doubt wondered if they should report me for child abuse. And for almost the same reason.

Incident #1
I went to fetch Ethan back from the nursery. He wanted to play with his new-found friend, Jay, in the nursery garden, and wouldn't leave till Jay also began to leave. Then they ran together along the pavement, hiding at the shop front doors, playing hide and seek with their mothers (one of them is me, but I don't play). At a corner, Jay turned left and continued running, stopping now and then to hide. Ethan ran with him, sometimes running further ahead. I called to Ethan to come back, we are going home. I smiled resignedly at Jay's mother. I wanted to stop and wait for him to discover that I was gone, and panicked. But a hunch told me that wild as he was then and in the company of a friend, this would not work until they were far, far away. Alright for Jay, he's running in the right direction for going back to his home. Not so Ethan, not so me-who's-chasing-after-Ethan. Finally, I could stand it no longer and started to run. Jay's mother started running with me, pushing the buggy with her younger son, who has the same birthday as Jethro. Carrying Jethro in the sling, I ran past Edinburgh Bargain Store, past the butcher, past the fish monger, till I nearly reached Ethan, and screamed, "靖恒！Stop!" I was angry, I sounded furious. Ethan burst into big tears. Behind me, I could see Jay's mother talking sternly to Jay. Maybe she was also shocked at witnessing this terrible side of me. Oh, I didn't care. I had Ethan turn round to face homeward at last. A subdued Ethan walked back with me, a puzzled Jay waved goodbye to him and he's still sobbing. I scolded him a little, threatening him with no more after-nursery play if he does not listen to me next time. But, somehow, I could not bring myself to be that angry with him. Maybe I recall a little how it was like to be his age.

Incident #2
I took Ethan and Jethro to the playgrounds at The Meadows. There, he met his 'long-lost' friend, Lorien. Both seemed excited to meet each other. Lorien was full of things to do, and Ethan happily went where she went.
He even tried the Flying Fox which I had to persuade him a lot to get on at Dalkeith Country Park's Adventure Playground. Lorien got onto the standing platform while I wasn't looking, but Ethan just couldn't climb up! While I was debating whether to go and help him, Lorien stretched out her hand and said, "Come, I'll pull you up!" Ethan did and sure enough, he very nearly pulled Lorien down with him. Luckily she was agile enough and held onto the railings. I quickly went over. I wasn't very keen on his trying out this time because I was holding Jethro and did not savour the notion of helping him onto the seat single-handed, and I couldn't possibly run with him this time. But this was a smaller one and it was quite easy to get him onto it. He went off by himself without calling for help but fell off at the rebound. It looked like an ugly fall, despite being on soft ground, but oh, how could he cry in front of his favourite girl?
He also climbed onto the rope pyramid cum merry-go-round though he did not reach the pinnacle as Lorien did. Good enough. He also told a boy to stop spinning the merry-go-round as they were getting down.
They sat at one of those little chairs under the slide structure and talked. He ran to me when he somehow hurt himself and had a bleeding tongue. But he drank a bit of water and was soon gone looking for Lorien.
They ran about on the grass and he came to me holding two yellow daisies, one with yellow petals and one with dead petals, to give to me. (How sweet the influence of little girls!) I passed the wilted one to Jethro and he threw it on the floor, then looked at the yellow one with interest. I picked up the one on the floor and passed it to him. He took it, threw it on the floor, and looked up at the yellow one. I picked it up again, passed it to him, and he took it, threw it and looked up again... Anyway, you get the idea. My life was definitely much less interesting than Ethan's at that point.
There is this thing about the playpark that makes me wonder about the mind behind the design of this place. There are two 'official' gates and then, at one point in the fence or hedges surrounding the little haven, there is a tunnel made of metal. It allows children to scramble out of the fenced area by burrowing through the tunnel. Towards there Lorien and Ethan gravitated, and the second time they went there, they were out when I next turned my head. I began to trace the occasional appearance of their clothes through the hedges as they ran along the perimeter, on the other side. A friendly man pointed to me where they were and thanking him (though his help was not needed), I went to one corner of the playpark to call them back. But by the time I reached there, they were running further away, past the toilets and towards the big gate of the Meadows, leading out to the roads.
You may wonder, at this time: where was Lorien's mother? She was around, somewhere. She appeared to me to be a rather laid back parent, only interfering a little at the Flying Fox. Most of the time, she sat around, though she changed places, no doubt to be near one of her two children. While Lorien and Ethan were running out of the Meadows gate and into the great wide world outside, she was nowhere near me.
So, I bellowed, then and there, at the top of my voice and pitch: "靖恒！靖恒！Stop! Get back here!" Ethan turned around. He probably could sense me fuming. So he started crying. Lorien seemed oblivious and ran on. I shouted out a weaker "Lorien!" But she ran out of the gate. Getting really worried this time, I ran towards the gate (of the playpark). By the time I was out of the gate and could see Ethan again, Lorien was out of sight. The friendly man proved to be invaluable this time round. He climbed out of the fence that I had not the physical ability to do while carrying Jethro. I was running, carrying Jethro, holding Ethan's hand, towards the gate, not knowing if I would be able to get to Lorien in time before some mishap occurs. The man offered to run after her. I reached the gate and saw him pick up Lorien, crying for "Mummy". He carried her to me, put her down, and told her to hold Ethan's hand. Together, holding hands, we went back to the playground. I attempted miserably to console Lorien.
I couldn't see her mother. I started wondering if I had to bring her back to our flat or somehow, with her help, bring her home, when, with great relief, I saw her mother coming towards us, with Lorien's brother at her side. In a voice that bespoke she knew nothing of what had just happened (or might have happened) to her daughter, she told Lorien they were going home. "Say goodbye to Ethan." Calmly and quietly.
I debated whether to tell her mother about it. But Lorien had calmed down by then and since I did not know her mother, I decided not to. Lorien handed a branch with three big leaves to Ethan. Then, probably deciding she really couldn't bear to part with those leaves, she took them back while showing him which was the the back and which was the front of the leaves. She was walking away when she plucked one leave off the branch and gave it to Ethan.
We were walking back when Ethan asked about the flowers he passed to me earlier. (It's my fault, I had asked him where his leaf was first, and he showed me where he had placed it - in the basket under the buggy.)Proudly, I showed him the one with the yellow petals. He then asked about the other one. I had to tell him the truth - it was wilted so I let Jethro play with it and it was left at the playground. He was not convinced that being wilted justify my giving it to Jethro. Fearing a meltdown, I made myself sound righteous. Then, somehow he got to talking about the flowers Lorien gave to her mother, and a danger was averted. Hey, shouldn't he be the one cowering in fear of me, for landing himself in a dangerous situation a second time? But somehow, again, I couldn't bring myself to remain angry after the instance was over. I can be irrationally angry with him for touching the metal strainer in our toilet sink, but not this.
Anyway, we reached home, I breathed a sigh of relief, and then another one to catch my breadth.