Sweetness is intoxicating, too overwhelming. But the taste of bitter sweet and sour rampages your senses, reaching your innermost feelings with a richness and appreciation of life as only such a mix can. That must have been what December has been like for me, filled with bitter nostalgia, sweet goodbyes and the sourish taste of unmet wishes.
The start of December saw me stocking up on food and other necessities. I cooked bigger portions of macaroni cheese and fish pie and beef stew and stored them in the fridge, till I ran out of containers to put them in. Jianming was away for a week at a conference in Canada and I wanted to make cooking a non-fuss, and minimise trips to the supermarkets. Despite the absence of Jianming, we managed all right. The kids did not behave any better, neither did I. But it was a week of routine without major mishaps. Ethan still went to nursery, Jethro to playgroups. I even brought Ethan to the museum to listen to the handbells the Sunday Jianming was not around. He was even 'volunteered' in their regular science shows because there were not enough children watching it - he's the youngest 'volunteer' of the 4 volunteers. The lady asked if he would like to come up and I had to nudge him a bit. He would be asking me about the part of the science show that he got 'volunteered' for for the rest of the week and after. Ethan asked to watch Fireman Sam for his bedtime cartoon every night, and Jethro enjoyed the theme song and the alarm bell ringing with the adrenaline-charged music so much that I was able to put them in front of the cartoon and take a shower meanwhile. I even left them alone while I went downstairs, with less and less haste each passing day, to throw rubbish - as much as 4 to 5 times a day when Jethro had his most 'relaxed' bowel movements.
Christmas at West Princes Street Gardens was as usual - with the story telling, Santa Claus and 'train' ride.
Church celebrating 70 years of Sister Patricia's work. They had a Polish band, I can't remember why.
A short trip to the Botanic Gardens to make a Christmas wreath. We were late and there wasn't much material left for the wreath. We went because I wanted to see the Botanic Gardens again (a winter one) and the new John Hope Gateway building.
Children. Sometimes they fight, sometimes they hug.
Christmas pageant at the nursery. Ethan was the 'spinning top' in one of the Christmas songs,not part of the main pageant. I think he did well, 'spinning and spinning'. I am not posting the photo here as the other kids' faces are too clear.
Women's Club Scottish lunch. The last time I went to Women's Club. I have had a good time here, though sometimes it could get quite boring. Made some really good friends (while it lasts, I suppose). Won't be forgetting them, those fabulous ladies!
Parcelling out chocolates for Ethan's classmates on Ethan's last day at the nursery. If you ask me now what I miss most here I shall say it's the nursery with Ethan and his friends and the teachers and that rowdy atmosphere every time I went to fetch Ethan to and fro nursery. Ethan had a wonderful time there and like the Swedish boy an age ago, I may well miss it more than Ethan does.
Christmas party at the nursery: his present and the cookie.
Singing show at home.
Our third and final Christmas here and it's white and muddy. There was no snowing on Christmas Day and the snow was melting. Our Christmas eve dinner was too near our departure date, so it was a simple one of beef stew, with oven-heated frozen rolls, frozen parsnips, frozen apple pie and a Nutella cake that I made but was too rich.
Christmas day at church. We missed the mince pies and mulled wine after the mass because we were at the nativity scene and Jianming was writing a card for Margaret, the lady who led the Children's Liturgy.
On a sunny, wintry day, we went to the Mortonhall Crematorium.
We couldn't decide where to put the flowers for Ninn; in the end, we placed then on top of a small hill, at the foot of the cross (the yellow ones).
Distant Pentland Hills covered in snow. The snowman was probably built for a child who could not enjoy it any more. We saw one grave surrounded with lots of toys and soft toys - it was the grave of a baby 'born sleeping'.
Brrr.... it was cold!
Post-Christmas Sale shopping. I am a really inefficient shopper. First day of sales on boxing day, and I came back with not enough bags to justify the number of hours I spent on Princes Street. The next day I went shopping twice (back in between for church - I'd miss the church too - and lunch) and bought more substantial stuff. The third day I took Ethan out while Jethro was sleeping so Jianming could do some clearing up at home. It was a rather nice trip for both of us and I think I am finally done with it. Any omission is intentional and beyond my ability.
It is snowing again today, 29 Dec. I wonder if we will get to leave Europe. All moods are set for departure. Saying farewells, finishing up perishing foods (I must have gained back some weight that I lost since my miscarriage), throwing things, giving things, and of course, packing up. I like a clutter free home, and throwing or giving away stuff is therapeutic to me. Still, I hope we don't have to unpack our stuff and feelings tomorrow.
I would walk along the streets of Edinburgh (these three days' shopping spree provided the opportunity), this city that I have come to love, and say my silent adieus. Fare thee well, Edinburgh, your prominent cityscape of castle on a rock, and Arthur's Seat with Salisbury Crags; your cobbled streets and dark, ancient buildings; Waverley Station and its tracks wavering in a valley of its own like the main artery; the supermarkets and nearby shops that I have become so familiar with; the gulls which are forever circling above the chimney tops of the city's 4,5-storeyed buidlings.
I will miss the Farmer's Market. I will miss the playgrounds. I will miss the Sunshine Club playgroup. I will miss Women's Club and all the ladies there. I will miss St Patrick's Church and Margaret's Children Liturgy that Ethan attended. I will miss the cold, white Christmas and the long summer days, all the seasons of the year except January and February perhaps. Not to mention the little trips that we took.
I miss being the mother at the toddlerhood of Ethan and the infancy of Jethro in Edinburgh. I now appreciate how difficult it is to be a stay-at-home-mum. Lots of things still unsaid but maybe I will leave it for another day. Or maybe I will leave them unsaid and just let the cells that contain them die away.
