Recently, Ethan insisted on zipping up the coat himself. That's all very well, except that he's usually already late for the nursery, and it's not just zipping up - he has to fit the ends of the two sides of the zipper together first. Not adept at doing that, he got easily frustrated, which then frustrated Jianming and I who were trying to teach him how to do it, and not getting much headway there.
Then one day, I saw him fit the zipper ends and zip up in one smooth action. I thought, wow, he had finally learnt it. Somehow we must have succeeded in teaching it to him. The next day, though, he said, "Elaine taught me how to do this." Elaine is a teacher at the nursery. I am impressed. Where we have failed, the teacher has succeeded without much ado, it seemed. Ethan has since then been able to fit the zipper together smoothly without fuss, without fail.
This led me to think that Ethan may be ready for more independence; it's his parents who are not ready to teach him. It's always the parents who are the cause of a child's over dependence. Long time ago I told myself that if I could not be that ideal parent, at least I should not have a negative effect on my children. But when the time comes, I have found it difficult to let the child have his childhood in his own happy way, less the overbearing parent who cannot stand messiness, sloppiness, disobedience, lack of focus etc. - the terror, the spoilsport, if you must know. It is just a small step away from being an unreasonable tyrant when you discipline for what you think is the good of the child. And one doesn't always watch out for that step. There's just too much about children I do not know. There are so many things I should and should not do/say when teaching and disciplining a child that are against my character and my own upbringing. It is unfortunate, parents can't all be professionals in this most sacred of professions.
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2 comments:
hehe, i guess smetmes the kid jus cant learn from the parents and wld prefer to take instruction from outside (eg. why own parents find it hard to tutor own kid. my mom who is well-versed in chinese, had to hire a chinese tutor to teach me!!)...in any case, the objective has been met - E learnt smehw. doesnt oways hv to be from us!
i too noticed tt ah B learnt many thgs in school tt i cant seem to get it right at hme (holding own bottle, feeding self etc) and i find myself relying more and more on the sch to 'teach her' thgs like dudu-weaning and toilet-trg, v bad hor...i'm becoming a lazy parent. its tough to knw how much to hold onto and how mch to let go...this is worse than studying for phD don u thk! cos like got no 10-yr series to try out and we're constantly plagued by the 'wat-if' thots of their behaviour becoming negative. or maybe, WE WORRY TOO MCH! lol
yeah, I guess. Parents nowadays intervene more than the older generations, who have too many children and housework to bother. Good and bad I guess.
Ah well, you can't really be a lazy parent, I am sure. you have done so much for her already! anyway, when toilet training comes, the sch will definitely say it has to be coordinated at home and in sch. so... you can't escape one! So, yes, sub-contract things out when possible to leave u more time for the others. :p
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